Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
