you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
