Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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