i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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