You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
