I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
