My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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