who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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