we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
