I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
