She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
