We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
