Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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