just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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