My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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