she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
