in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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