my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
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Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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