I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!