Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
