You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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