I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
