Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize