We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
