maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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