somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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