My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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