I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
