I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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