i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
