i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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