My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
