Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
