Small penises have feelings too.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
