I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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