We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
