She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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