i don't like sucking hair
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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