I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
