Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
