so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize