OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
