Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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