I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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