Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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