I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
