Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
