And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
