Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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