Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
