how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
