It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
