I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
