do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You don't make any sense
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