if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
