Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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