He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
