You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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