Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
