I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
