Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
