I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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