I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
