Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
