So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
