Non-Jews are for practice
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
