Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
