Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
