those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
