So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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