You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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