Whod you bang
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
