Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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