She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
