Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
