his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
