I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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