I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
