Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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