If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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