Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
