I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
