Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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